lonely, desires

My Desires

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I woke up at 7 in the morning like everyday I do. My nanny is ready with the breakfast. I wonder how she is so perfect,  she gets my favourite juice always. Maybe she thinks this is the only juice I like, I wish I could tell her other things I prefer but I don’t think I’ll ever be able to. She is the only friend I have, and I don’t go to school and I get very jealous when I see my younger sister dressed in her uniform. Even I have desires.

Mom says everything will be fine

Is she the only I say is mine?  My dad is always busy with his business work, he hardly comes to to see me but he often goes out with my little sister.  He thinks I am a misfit in the family. My mom loves the paintings I make ,she’s fond of my abstract art. But on the other hand my dad doesn’t understand what I show to him,  he feels I am wasting my time and his well.
I spend my whole day colouring the figures I make , those colours fill a life into them . They appear to emerge out and appear real . I love this part of the day most when I am lost in this beautiful serendipity.  I enjoying seeing the beauty of flora. The flowers in my garden are like blossoming spasm. I wish others had the same compassion as I do for them . I wish others appreciated the gorgeous colours which are so heart whelming .

I hate it when I can’t speak to people . I know what they are feeling but something inside me obstructs to reciprocate . When mom hugs me tightly,  I get so rigid because for no reason. I act oblivious to my dad’s sarcasm.  I can’t talk my heart out to my sister when she comes to sleep next to me. My nanny is so cordial,  I envy her that she can empathise and that her empathetic behaviour is visible unlike mine. I do resonate with other’s feelings but how do I tell them that I really understand their emotions?

I can’t share my struggles with anyone. I feel helpless and isolated . My parents who are so close to me, fulfil my every need but don’t understand what I want from them . Maybe it’s me who can’t explain them . My sister asks for a dress herself but they buy me more frequently . What if I don’t want a dress that time?

Mom dad thanks for  giving me everything without asking but like Anna,  I need your support too. Please scold me if I am wrong , ask me about my day, try to find out my likes and dislikes . I really want you to treat me as a normal child.

I also want to go out like Anna and other young girls. Have friends to confine in . Go to school,  study science and learn arts. But fortunately I’ll soon be going to an institute where I’ll meet children like me who come from different background and finally I’ll freely do the things I have always craved for. I’ll meet new set of people and hopefully I will communicate myself well. There’s always a happy ending to those who desires something good.

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